Complications

I had my tonsils out a week and some days ago. I was healing great to begin with, the medicine worked to stave off what pain I felt. The past few days I had a nagging pain in my throat on one side. I  took myself off of soft foods and went back to a liquid diet just in case. Well, yesterday all hell broke lose and the flood gates opened. I was coughing and vomiting blood. It seems I either had a clot, broke the scab open, or both. There. Was. So. Much. Blood. It was definitely a scary thing. 

I went by ambulance from one hospital E.R. to the hospital E.R. where my ENT doctor was doing rounds. They whisked me into surgery to investigate and close wherever the flood leak was coming from. I must say, I'm over surgery now and am a little leery of getting gastric bypass. My God, did I eat too much too soon to pop my scar open? Can I not control myself to the point of causing risk of death? I can't imagine what will happen when my stomach capacity is a mere 2 ounces. What will my first six weeks after gastric bypass be like? Maybe this is the practice I need to prepare me for what it will be like after my RNY surgery. 

Yikes! I am definitely going to find time to attend either an overeaters anonymous meeting or private counseling for food addictions. I need to know that I am in control and will not hurt myself due to lack of will power regarding what I put in my mouth (even though that may not be the cause for my bleed out). I know, I know, I have mentioned this at least 3 times but I seriously haven't had the time. Things are about to slow down. My boys' football season is finally over after this weekend and my class will be over in two weeks. I will not be back in grad school until March. I am taking time off to start my new job and give time for the family to adjust to me working. However I will be working a brand new full time job (starting Monday, wish me luck), a weekend job, and I have my boys to take care of on a daily basis.

Thanks to the second surgery my recovery has been set back a few days. I am not really able to exercise or eat at all, let alone "eat properly". Rome wasn't built in a day and the extra some-odd 120 pounds definitely didn't pile on in a day. I'm being patient and will get back on my plan once I am cleared by my ENT doctor. I will visit my primary doctor just to be safe. I'd like to talk with her about PCOS a little more anyhow. 

Silly me, I thought for sure I would show up to my bariatric surgeon's office, sign a few papers, talk with a nutritionist, and have my surgery within 1-3 months. I guess when you haven't been taking care of yourself for so many years a lot of things start coming to light and out of the wood works. I definitely want to do things the right way even if it makes the process much slower. After all, I am seeking bariatric surgery as a means to lose weight to be HEALTHY and healthy I shall be. All of the preliminary tests are shedding light on a lot of pre-existing conditions. I knew something was wrong but I didn't exactly what. I'm working on finding out exactly what has been making me feel like crap for so many years. True, the surgery will help alleviate most, if not all, of the conditions. Don't I owe it to myself to try to remedy them myself first and use such a drastic surgery as a last resort? Hmmm good question.

Sign me up please.

I'm glad I'm alive. It was scary bleeding out like that. (sooo much blood) All I could think about was my children and who would take care of them. Ashamedly after my second surgery I thought about my children's father and began to cry.  I wanted him there with me but I knew even if he could be there, he probably wanted to be somewhere else OR we'd start fighting about something stupid. Yeah, I think he needs to be addressed in some intensive counseling. Are the Men In Black available with their handy little memory erasing light thingies? 

My goal: healthy mom playing outside with her kids.

This scare was too much. It has made me more determined than ever to get healthy so I can be there for my children. Glad I'm here to write one more post for whoever might read this, ha! If not, it's good therapy for me. 

xoxo Karla